Playing Music

I’ve played the guitar some in the past. I guess the main reason I’ve played is because when I’ve listened to really cool guitar music, or watched someone really talented playing, I always think to myself, “I wish I could do that. I bet I could do that. Wouldn’t it be cool if I could do that? Etc. Etc…” This started when I was a teenager. I took some lessons. I hung out with my buddies who also wanted to be cool and play like Eddie Van Halen and Yngwie Malmsteen. I wanted to play like those guys too, but I also wanted to play like Steve Howe and Andres Segovia. Back then and even now, I’m really not driven to practice every day to be that good. I learned at least 5 songs (finger-picking style) over the last couple of years. I must have played some of those songs more than 1,000 times. I carefully and diligently practiced. I played slowly and correctly, carefully increasing my speed without going so fast that I would make mistakes. And after all that practice, I still just don’t ‘have it’. I mean, I don’t just sit down and play the song clean, and beautifully like some people would. Did you ever see the move Amadeus? Remember Antonio Salieri? He loved music, and he could play and write. When he heard Mozart, he could hardly believe his ears. Mozart was the most gifted writer and performer he had ever known. Salieri prayed that God would give him the gift that Mozart had. And when God denied him that gift, he got all mad, and cranky, and eventually committed murder. I have gone through my times where I feel like Salieri praying, “God, how come I can’t play like Rich Severson and Tommy Emmanuel?” Am I the only one who thinks like that?

I’m trying to stop dreaming about being someone I’m not. I’m trying to be content to listen to great music and enjoy it without unnecessary envy. I always seem to fall back into that, “I could do that” thinking. Maybe when I make it to Heaven where I have eternity to practice and masters to personally give me lessons, then maybe I’ll ‘have it’.